Well, so far today I’ve heard the most jacked up opinions of the significance of 9-9-9, ranging anywhere from ‘Satan’s Birthday’ to ‘National Coulophobia Day’ (National Clown Phobia Day).  If, in fact, the latter is true, then I’m buying a cake and singing THIS song to the tune of Happy Birthday:

All clowns must die

All clowns must die

They all must go dooooowwwnn.

Oh, all clowns must die.

In all seriousness…I got thinking about the significance of 999.  I’m fairly astute in the field of numerology and I pay a whole bunch of attention to numbers.  I see the patterns, the syncs, etc.  In numerology, the nine symbolizes the completion of a cycle.  It’s the last of the simple numbers before a whole new set begins.  Kind of like wrapping up the past and getting to work on the future. 

 I have two 9’s in my Numerology chart.  One is my Personality number.  This number represents how I’ve shaped my self-expression so that I can thrive and survive in society.  It’s kind of like the mask I show to the world.   I tend to present myself as calm, cool and collected, which is actually a front for my intense sensitivity and vulnerability. 

My other 9 is my Hidden Passion number. This is your specific field of expertise or a concentrated talent.  The actual quote in my chart says this: 

‘You are artistic. The nine is responsible for many of our creative

geniuses, however these talents are often suppressed, sometimes coming to the

surface at middle or old age.’

Which leads me to the purpose of this post.  My little jaunt to the Folk School in the hills was more than just taking a writing class.  Those close to me know the importance of me making it through this past week.  What MOST people, including those I shared time with at school, DON’T know is that I’ve essentially been a recluse for the past four years.  I’ve had very little social interaction other than what was absolutely necessary (meetings, casual conversations, etc.) and I could feel myself getting quite comfortable in my seclusion.  I didn’t have a problem giving facts, data and sharing knowledge about what I advocate (mental health), but anything outside of that was avoided at all costs. 

So.  If you’ve been following this blog for awhile, you’ll know that about a year ago I came to the realization that I was a writer and I set out to start building that dream.  I registered over a year ago for last week’s class.  I implored my family keep my feet to the fire and not let me back out of this.  I purposely put myself in the most terrifying situation I could think of, because I knew that I HAD to. I went to an unfamiliar place where I didn’t know a soul.  I promised myself that I would be true to who I am and trust complete strangers. 

After Matt dropped me off that Sunday afternoon, I practically collapsed.  Thank GAWD my room-mates hadn’t shown up yet or they would’ve been like, “Uh.  Room change?  Stat?”  But somewhere between the mushrooms and notebook paper, I found myself.  I tore down a wall that had become overgrown with kudzu and brushed off the welcome mat of my heart and soul.

I did my first reading while away.  I think I might have thrown up in my mouth a little right before I read.  Getting up in front of people just about renders me handicapped.  One of my essays was about my daughter.  A four year old who has taught me more in the past four years that anyone else in my lifetime.  Behind the red juice stains and peanut butter, there is wisdom.  A natural wisdom that I think we’re all born with, but lose as we become older and more cynical. 

On our first night home, I overheard her tell her Daddy: “My Mommy is a different person now after the camp.”

I left the John C. Campbell Folk School having accomplished everything I’d set out to do.  Now I’m looking forward (with confidence!) to my future without self-imposed constraints.  Who knows where I’ll go.  I might end up watering elephants at the zoo in two years.  You never know.  But the unknown doesn’t scare me anymore.  It excites me. 

So what’s today mean to me, numerically speaking?  I have a little book that I carry around called “Angel Numbers”.  It describes 999 as this:

“This is a message signifying completion of an important chapter in your life, and now it’s time to get to work – without procrastination – on your next life chapter.  This number sequence is like an alarm clock, ringing loudly in order to jolt you into working on your life purpose.”

…and I’m buying a lottery ticket…for the principal of it.

Cali and I found this caterpillar late Saturday afternoon. When I first saw it I thought it was a piece of yarn. Found out otherwise when the thing reared back and tried to box me. So we brought her in and put her in Cali’s bug house with some Jasmine leaves and a couple of sticks. It took me forever to figure out what type of caterpillar it actually is. Turns out it’s not a butterfly at all. It’s a Vapourer Moth. So I started doing some research. Most of the time, when an insect, bird or animal presents itself into my life, there is always a deeper spiritual explanation to its appearance that is relevant to what I may be going through at the time.

Apparently the most visually stunning caterpillars produce the most common and non-descriptive butterflies or moths. When I learned this, I was kind of disappointed. I wanted to see a big gorgeous butterfly! Not a common moth! The more I read the more disappointed I became. More than disappointed, actually. I got a tad angry.

The Vapourer Moth, named for its frantic fluttering is seemingly screwed from birth. They single-handedly decimate entire orchards and trees. The males live less than a year and their main goal is to find a female, impregnate her, then go off somewhere to die. The females are born flightless. They can’t even crawl. They come out of their cocoon and just sit there and emit some type of funky pheremone until a guy comes around and does his thing. Within minutes, the female lays her eggs in the open cocoon that she had just come from. Then she too dies. When the babies are born, they crawl off and begin their short life of destruction.

So where’s the message here?! Don’t all living things have a distinct purpose in the grand scheme of things? A part to play in our planets’ synthesis? How exactly does the Vapourer Moth contribute? They are seemingly a wasted life. I came across a study that had this to say about the female’s “doomed” existence:

“This custom of fastening the eggs to the web in a constant method, and by the immutable law of nature, is so peculiar to this species of insects, that I have never observed it in any other kind whatsoever. This female, like a most prudent housewife, never leaves her habitation, but is alway’s fixing her eggs to the surface of the web out of which she has herself crept, thus affording a beautiful instance of industrious housewifery.”

Housewifery. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The domestic role of a woman isn’t viewed as successful. People even go as far as to say you’re lazy and self-indulgent with no personal ambition. Success is being in the limelight. Success is being showered with accolades. You’re not successful until you unfurl those breathtaking wings and everyone oohhhs and ahhhhhs.

But maybe that’s not the case at all. If that Mama Vapourer Moth tried to fly like her flashy counterpart, it would be her downfall. Literally. Perhaps she’s perfectly content in knowing that her purpose is to give birth and move on. Maybe that’s the lesson. Beware of chasing impossible dreams and turning a blind eye to the less-than-glamorous yet natural and innate talents we possess.

It seems rather apropo that we surrounded our moth with Jasmine. “Jasmine’s significance as a symbolic flower blossoms in the art of the Italian Renaissance, where it appears as a symbol of divine love and heavenly happiness. In combination with roses and lilies, which have a much longer iconographic history in Western art, it often appears in representations of the Madonna and Child. Attendant angels offer jasmine to the infant Christ, or are wreathed with crowns of jasmine themselves.” (Mirella D’Ancona Levi, The Garden of the Renaissance: Botanical Symbolism in Italian Painting, 1977.)

What may be even more significant is the name that Cali chose. Daisy. The symbol of childhood gentleness and innocence. Of purity, patience and simplicity. The flower that opens and closes with the Sun.

So how do I explain to my daughter that in a couple of months, a butterfly won’t be emerging from her cocoon? But instead a flightless Mama who will cling to her roots, give birth to another cycle of life and end one in the same moment. Maybe I can tell her this: That sometimes the bravest thing a being can do is to just face the distressing times with a creative balance, small and quiet.

I plan on placing this quote in her Journal, reminding her that death may quite possibly be the most beautiful part of life.

“Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life.” ~ John Muir

by Cherie Carter-Scott

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.